Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
