K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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