i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
