She announced her abortion via fbk
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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