Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
tell me about the fingering
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