You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
