So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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