He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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