apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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