Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
