turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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