I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
