Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
