Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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