20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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