Acid is not a monday night drug
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
