I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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