With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
