Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize