i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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