I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
