found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
