he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
