There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
