just tell him i said nine months
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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