I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
