so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
not ubering you a puppy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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