i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
