Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dear god my vagina.
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