it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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