They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
