never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize