Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
