The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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