Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
