At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
