My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize