So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
