her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize