Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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