please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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