Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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