According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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