i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
