i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
