Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
