Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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