Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
