If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
