Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
