I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
