I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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