considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
