We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
