dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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