yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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