she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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