Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
