Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
