I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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