a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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