so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
