I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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